Isolation, hyper-connection, mental decay

I feel isolated, completely. Cut off from the rest of the world. No one to talk to about this. I don’t have the words to formulate my trajectory anyway. No possibility to reach out or to mediate my thought.

Trapped in my own head.


At the same time I’m not left alone, I’m haunted by the history, discourses, insights, reinventing the wheel, redefining concepts, replacing one understanding with another, constantly having new revelations. Hyper-connected, like my mind is tapped into an immense database of human knowledge.

Tortured by my own brain.


I have long periods when I can’t sleep. I’m so tired I feel dizzy, still I can’t sleep. And then I go into another period when I do nothing but sleep, for endless hours, and then I can’t wake up instead. But not even in my sleep I’m left alone; the brain is processing concepts and I dream about epistemological issues, understanding them better when I awake.

Held captive by my own body.


So I walk around, tormented, sad, ecstatic, exhilarated, involuntary pondering. Reading, having insights, thoughts processing, the brain constantly active, like a perpetual motion machine, becoming weirder everyday. Soon to reach the destination of mental breakdown or transcendence ... or both maybe…